I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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