I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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