He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
