u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
