You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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