batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The uberlube is also flammable
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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