that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
