I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
