I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
