i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
