yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
