Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
