Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
