proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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