420 ftw
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
