party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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