I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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