You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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