I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
where does the pee come out of this thing
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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