You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You don't make any sense
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