It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
