Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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