dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
