Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize