Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize