My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
