How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
