I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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