I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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