bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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