We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize