I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
