did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
