You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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