Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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