don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
