just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
