I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
