my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
