just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
