Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
