dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
