watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize