I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
