i can't believe i had my finger in that
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
