the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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