What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
