Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
