You can't special order awesome
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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