Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Randomize
