I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Randomize
