The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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