Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
did i just pee glitter
Sex in the backyard? Check.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
