as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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