How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
