Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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