i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
