i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
