Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
