I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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