I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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