I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
