Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
