i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
