just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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