that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
