A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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