I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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